MID-DAY REFLECTIONS

 August 24, 2020                                                                                                                                           11:35AM

It's mid-day. I am currently in a meeting, listening with people's reflections and messages. Three points to remember:

PATIENCE                                                                                                                                               Have you been patient with God? Were your prayers already answered? Never lose hope. Be persistent always.

ENCOUNTER                                                                                                                                                   Have you been present with all those encounters with Him? Savor the moment. The Lord is telling you something. Don't miss it. Be present. 

EXCITEMENT                                                                                                                                            Are you happy right now? Have you been joyful the past weeks or days? What will make you happy You deserve happiness. The Lord wants you to experience the joy that is eternal. And you can only experience it when you find where your heart truly belongs - and that is to God. 

Wait for the Lord. Be patient. Savor every encounter along the journey. And when you reach your final destination, you'll find the true joy that your heart longs for.

Hindi Mabait Ang Mundo

In this 40-day LENT journey, the Lord has been personal with all His messages for me, what He wants for me to go through and how it can help me become a better person (so help me, God hehe). So now sharing one of my breakthrough stories I couldn't forget.

Eight years ago, I was arguing with a friend about how he sees life, about he sees the world. I was firmed that time that everyone was nice, gentle and (hmmmm) somehow kind. But he was insisting that "NO, JAJET! HINDI MABAIT ANG MUNDO!" I couldn't believe that he was telling that to me as I continuously insisted that everyone was good. People are good!!!

Eight years later, I am still pondering about it while considering what I've experienced the past months. I think, maybe he was right all along. Hindi nga naman mabait ang mundo! Magulo. Madilim. Nakakadismaya. Nakakatakot. Minsan mahirap intidihin. Madalas nakakasakit.

Is this really the world I am living right now? Where are the peace and serenity I've used to have? Is this the real world? Or was I just living in my dream and fantasy that time? So I keep asking the Lord.

But yes, personal as He is, He answered me, 

"Kahit hindi mabait ang mundo (maybe because of evil, greed, entitlement, personal desires), YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE IT A BETTER PLACE!"

We cannot recognize what is good and right if there is no evil. Start within ourselves. Let's choose to be kind so we can open our eyes with gratitude and wonder at the magnificent world we live in!

Everyday I Choose

As I write this blog at the middle of the night, I guess this will be the bravest blog I'll share so far. And as you read this, you're now entering my life. This is not just a piece of me, but my whole being maybe.

Let me start with this, remember if God brought you to it, He will bring you through it.

A year and three months have passed since I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression. It is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Sometimes I'm happy, but most of the times I'm lonely. It has been difficult for me dealing with myself and in what I'm going through. Insomnia is real. Getting up from bed is most of the times difficult. Tears from unidentified reasons will just flow. Panic attacks are present. Indecisiveness dominantly manifests. But despite all of these, I find myself fighting, I find myself hoping that one day everything shall pass.

Still I am thankful to the Lord for allowing me to journey this. Yes, it is challenging, but this is the path that He wants me to take. Like what I prayed when I first knew this, "Lord, if this is Your way for me to be closer to You, and so be it." 

So as I continue journeying my illness, God has allowed me to grow and taught me a lot that led me to these realizations.

I cannot do it alone. Never. One thing that I've learned in this journey is that I cannot deal this illness alone. I remember going to the hospital and see a psychiatrist all by myself because I thought I was already brave enough to face all of these. The akala-ko-matapag-ako moment.. But unfortunately, I wasn't ready. It was hard that time accepting the doctor's diagnosis. I didn't know what to do, where to go next and whom to share with the things that I was going through. It was late afternoon after my check-up, I went back to the office and kept myself busy from work so I wouldn't think of it. But it was not easy. Acceptance was a challenge back then. I told myself that I would be okay, the people around me don't have to know about it. But little by little, my self-pride vanished away. I need my family. I need my friends. I need God. By His grace, there were people who helped me and journeyed with me even to the extent of going with me to my check-ups, talking with my parents and reminding me to take my medicines. I was reminded that the battle I am fighting is not just my own battle, but also the battle of those people who continues to hope for me. And this keeps me going!

I have to open up myself more. I have to let people love me and take good care of me. Yes, it is hard for me to make myself vulnerable in the eyes of others, but I need to be open to them. I wanted to be brave, but bravery entails openness. I thought keeping my situation will make me feel better because I don't want them feel that I am a burden, but it humbles me. I learned that if I want to be healed, I need to open up myself more. I have to open what I'm going through, what triggers me, what's going on my mind every now and then, and even what help do I need for me to be better. Honestly, I am not used to it. I grew up giving myself and every simple thing that I can to people, so it was hard for me to receive and accept love. But this circumstance changes me. Little by little, I am now  accepting the fact that I need my loved one's presence - that all the love that they have showed me since day zero plays a big part on how I'm coping up with this. My existence right now is because of the love and support of those people who witnessed me at my weakest but never left me, who still accepted me for who I am, and for those who fight with me. (Yes, you know who you are! Know that I'll forever praise and thank the Lord! I do believe that His love never runs out through each one of you.)

I need God. Most of all, it is Him I needed most. Some people say that depressed people just lack of spiritual life. Big no! If you just know how hard I try everyday to cling on to God and bring myself closer to Him during tough times. I know that in His loving arms I'm at my safest. There were days and nights that I'll just find myself crying because I cannot control myself - I cannot control my emotions, my mind. And during those episodes, I'll simply go to a private room, isolate myself from the crowd, and ask for God's grace. Actually not only ask, but really beg for His grace, for His healing, for His comfort because I know to myself that I need Him. My favorite line goes like this, "Lord, alam Mo pong hindi ko na kaya. Tulungan Mo po ako. Maawa na po Kayo." I used to utter this prayer because it calms my mind and comforts my soul. It has been my favorite prayer since then. And as I journey this, one thing that also keeps me going is whenever I take the Eucharist. It has been my daily spiritual maintenance medicine. It sustains me. I know, I know it is Him!

The battle is still here and I'm still fighting it. I have to take one step at a time or take urgent actions if already needed. I can't be in this situation forever. I know. I do believe that I have to take myself out of this. So by His grace, I make a commitment that...

Everyday I choose God.
Everyday I choose my life.
Everyday I choose to fight.
Everyday I choose to hope.
Everyday I choose to love.
Everyday I choose to get better.

PS.If you know people who are also suffering from depression, your presence will mean a lot. Find time to be with them. Take time to listen to them even more. Be more patient. Be more understanding. Be more kind.

PPS.If you're the one who's suffering from this, always know that you are not alone. Trust the process. Take one step at a time. Always remember that you are loved and there are people who believes in you.

Countdown to Greater Days

Two more days and our YFC Sector Conference will happen. There are mixed emotions. I am excited. I am anxious. I am happy. I am nervous. I cannot explain what I am feeling right now. But there is one thing that I am sure of - I am ready to witness God's great plans to unfold.

Many things can still happen along the preparations. Since this is God's, the evil is also at work. The tensions, the petty concerns, the unfinished deliverables that lead to frustrations might be there, but what God continues to remind me is that despite all of these, He will continue to reveal Himself more. 

Totally surrendering to His will is still sometimes hard. There are moments wherein I'll ask the Lord, "We dreamed of this together, di po ba? Dinasal ko naman po 'to ah." And so He answered, "Continue to trust Me. I know better than you, remember? I planned this since the beginning. Just participate with all my plans. I got this for you!" Yes! Here goes the friendly reminder of our all-knowing God that... He is God and I am not.

I believe that as this Sector Conference goes near, His every dream for me/for us will come true. 

2 more days. 2 more days.
Let's get it on, Lord! Greater days are about to come!

From A Still Unmarried Woman

Gaining a 17M on their first day of showing got me more interested on the movie, "Unmarried Wife". When I finally watched it, my heart was disturbed. The movie was good, and the actors and actresses gave justice to their roles. What made me disturbed were the situations, circumstances, marriage issues, family problems and the sins from the past. I know all of these are present in this real world that's why I became so worried. The story was painful - that you will not choose to be on their shoes. Or if it happens too, you will just choose to have a strong "you".

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For all married couples out there, please please love your family like how God loves you. Value your marriage. "For better and for worse" is true. You see each other at your best, but still be with each other at worst. Those are the times that you need to be strong for one another. Communicate. Talk with each other. Give time. Time is the best expression of love that you can give to your spouse and family. Forgive. Forgive even it is hard to forgive. Choose to see the goodness of your spouse every single day. And lastly choose to become the best spouse and parents that your family could have because God has entrusted you to be one. 

With all love and concern,
a-still-unmarried-woman-who-values-family-relationships

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Now it made me realize that I should pray more for families. Our families mold us of who we are today, and we don't want that families will be the reason for us to choose the wrong decisions and directions. Our families are the best gift gift that God has blessed us with. So let's continue to love and value them.



End.

TRUE NORTH

What a CHRIST BOUND experience!

Traveling North from San Carlos City, Pangasinan to Dagupan City to San Fernandano City, La Union to San Juan, La Union to Laoag City to Bacarra, Ilocos Norte to Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte made my body so exhausting, but my heart wanted more. It was longing for the destination.

The journey of life is not easy even a life of a 25-year old missionary like me. It is not a bed of roses. There is no exceptions from the challenges of the world. So my Christ Bound experience reminded me of these.

PAGUDPUD. Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte is the venue of the conference. If you simplify the word, Pagudpud, it will be "pagud" or "pagod". Pagod means tired. Are we tired with our lives? Are we tired of our works? of our family responsibilities? of our relationships? of ourselves? Pagod na ako.

If we're tired and weary, let us go back to God who is the Source of Comfort. He understands us, He knows what we are going through. Just like our fathers here on earth, He will comfort us, embrace us because He loves us. He cares for us.

PRAY. LISTEN. GO.  Ready. Get Set. Go. We cannot just go on our lives with the go signals that we thought are the right signs. Most of the times, we are too much self-focused, career oriented. We are too passionate and we want to just go and go without asking the Lord, "What do you want for my life?" We, most of the times, forget to ask Him, ask His guidance. Akala natin, alam na natin lahat. Akala natin, 'yun na ang tama. But where is the Lord on our journey? Isinama ba natin?

It's about time to ask the Lord's guidance where He wants to lead us. Listen to Him more. Listen to His loud voice. Know that His plans are always greater than ours. And once we allow Him to control our lives, we'll never lose our life's direction.

STOP. The road sign STOP  tell us to stop because we are already heading a wrong destination, or stop because we are too fast and we forget the value of the journey itself. 

Take U-TURN if we lose the sight of direction. Whenever we take a sinful path, let's go back. Ask the Lord's forgiveness and reconcile with Him. He is just waiting.

Traveling North was never easy, but it was the journey that was life-filled. It was full of life's lessons and God's graces.

Truly going to the NORTH direction means going up, going to the True Source of Life who is Jesus Christ.

CHRIST BOUND.

 

When Insecurities Bid Goodbye

If people will ask me what my 2016 goal is? I will surely answer that I want to revive this blog site. I WANT TO BECOME A BLOGGER (specifically a Fashion Blogger) like my favorites in the name of Patty Laurel-Filart, Paula Peralejo-Fernandez, Kim Jones-Rosales, Laureen Uy, Daniella Baretto, Ally Laude and Nicole Anderson.

Reading their blogs, following them in instagram make me feel that I want to be like them --- so expressive, carefree and naturally beautiful. But.... the media already sets the standard of being beautiful. One should be good looking with white skin, beautiful body and alike. And unfortunately, I am none of those. *sighs*

I remember during an interview, someone asked me: "Do you have insecurities?"

"I had", I answered. It was not easy for me before living in my own insecurities, battling with my own self and pilit na pinaniniwalaan na maganda naman ako ah! With friends, I experienced being teased all the time that my skintone is similar with a negra. My esponghado hair (straight outside and curly inside) was not really pleasing to their eyes. They would even make fun of me because of my body figure. And Yes, I was hurt. I even started to hate myself.

But as time goes by... Praise God! Growing maturely, I come to realize that any physical appearance is nothing compared to the goodness of what's within heart.

"....The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 

-1 Samuel 16:7

I am also reminded that I am wonderfully made by God. Everything may fade, but one thing will forever remain that I will always be a God's favored princess.

"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well."

-Psalm 139:14

So I think this would be the right time for me to share to the world how God refines me to be beautiful inside and out.

my #OOTD collection of 2015

Thanks to our Miss Universe 2015, Pia Wurtzbach... Truly, every woman should be confidently beautiful with a heart.

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To all ladies/women who are still suffering from their insecurities: Cheer up! Once your beauty comes from within, everything will follow. Remember you are perfectly beautiful in your own ways! Confidently beautiful with a heart...

Okay now, join me in singing:

"Don't hate me coz I'm beautiful!"

- Pretty Girl Rock, Keri Hilson

"I am beautiful no matter what they say."

- Beautiful, Christina Aguilera

"I'm no beauty queen. I'm just beautiful me." 

- Who Says, Selena Gomez

"Oh, oh, you don't know you're beautiful." 

- What Makes You Beautiful, One Direction

"Coz you're amazing just the way you are!" 

- Just the Way You Are, Bruno Mars

"I want you and your beautiful soul." 

- Beautiful Soul, Jesse McCartney

"You're beautiful. You're beautiful. It's true."

- You're Beautiful, James Blunt

Enjoy the wonders of life! :)

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